Mother In Law Jokes

Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?

A: Sir, we were able to save her!

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Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?" The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my MIL." The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

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I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my MIL up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbor, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".


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Q: What do you do if you miss your MIL??

A: RELOAD, AND TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!


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Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My MIL is an angel." His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."


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Q: How do you stop your MIL from drowning?

A: Take your foot off her head.

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A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my MIL, and I wanted to say, "Could you please pass the butter?" "But instead I said, "You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."

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George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family, including his mother-in-law. During their vacation, and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial. The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law, told George, "My friend, the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000 dollars." The Consul continued, "In most of these cases, the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150 dollars". George thinks for some time, and answers the Consul, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back. That's what I want to do." The Consul, after hearing this says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much, considering the difference in price between $5,000 and $150 dollars." "No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem, and on the third day he was resurrected. Consequently, I do not want to take that chance!"

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Doctor: I'm sorry to say that your MIL had a heart attack.

SIL/DIL: That's impossible!

Doctor: What do mean that's impossible?

SIL/DIL: She can't have a heart attack! She doesn't have a heart!


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Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

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Q: How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her



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I have never made a fool of my MIL.
I just leave her to display her natural talents herself.

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Two guys were talking at work. "I've got a problem," said the first one."What is it?""My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And, I am fresh out of ideas. I mean, it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?""What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked."

Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot.""Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.

When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"

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Q: The difference between outlaws and in-laws?

A: Outlaws are Wanted!!

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Then there is the joke about the guy who was told by his doctor that he has only 6 months to live. He decides to move in with his mother-in-law, because living with her for 6 months will seem like forever.