A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
18 May 2010
08 April 2010
Can I speak to your daddy?
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "
Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes ."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy , " whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
" ME ."..........
Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes ."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy , " whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
" ME ."..........
07 April 2010
Exams
Parent: How did you write your exam?
Son: they have given the questions which I don't know. So I wrote answers which they don't know..!!
Son: they have given the questions which I don't know. So I wrote answers which they don't know..!!
06 April 2010
A New Chevrolet Avalanche
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and
his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that
truck???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet
Avalanche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents
began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen
dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name-they
just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.
Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house
where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had
sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to
know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband.
I thought he was on a a coffee break, but learned from a friend he had ran
off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back.
He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet
Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."
his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that
truck???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet
Avalanche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents
began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen
dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name-they
just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.
Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house
where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had
sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to
know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband.
I thought he was on a a coffee break, but learned from a friend he had ran
off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back.
He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet
Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."
05 April 2010
The Congressman and The Kid
A Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said - 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the southern congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics.. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Can you explain.. Why?'
The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says - '
Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know sh!t..?
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the southern congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics.. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Can you explain.. Why?'
The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says - '
Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know sh!t..?
19 February 2010
Notes To The Pastor from Kids
Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely,
Arnold Age 8
********
Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.
Sincerely,
Pete Age 9
********
Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert Age 11
********
Dear Pastor,
I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love,
Patty Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.
Stephen Age 8
********
Dear Pastor,
I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen Age 9
********
Dear Pastor,
Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.
Laurie Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's
help or a new pitcher.
Thank you.
Alexander Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.
Carla Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
I like your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph Age 11
********
Dear Pastor,
How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?
Sincerely,
Marie Age 9
I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely,
Arnold Age 8
********
Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.
Sincerely,
Pete Age 9
********
Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert Age 11
********
Dear Pastor,
I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love,
Patty Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.
Stephen Age 8
********
Dear Pastor,
I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen Age 9
********
Dear Pastor,
Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.
Laurie Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's
help or a new pitcher.
Thank you.
Alexander Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.
Carla Age 10
********
Dear Pastor,
I like your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph Age 11
********
Dear Pastor,
How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?
Sincerely,
Marie Age 9
12 November 2009
Baby Airplanes
Mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore Airlines from Singapore to New York .
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and Asked, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes Have baby planes???? '
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the Pretty flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight Attendant, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't Planes have baby planes?'
The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me That?' The little boy admitted that she did.
Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.
Now, let your mother Explain that to you.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and Asked, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes Have baby planes???? '
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the Pretty flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight Attendant, 'If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't Planes have baby planes?'
The flight attendant responded, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me That?' The little boy admitted that she did.
Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby because Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time.
Now, let your mother Explain that to you.
05 November 2009
Who Is Reponsible?
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, that were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.
The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.
The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"
The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.
The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is god?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is god?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home slamming himself in his closet.
His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?" The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it"
The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.
The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"
The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually.
The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is god?"
The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is god?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"
At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home slamming himself in his closet.
His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?" The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it"
04 November 2009
The Clever Student
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said "Give me Liberty , or give me Death"?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.
"Very good!"
Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians,"
"Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
"General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrasekhar says, "Al Gore to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh*t, we're f**ked!"
And Chandrasekhar said quietly,
I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said "Give me Liberty , or give me Death"?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.
"Very good!"
Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians,"
"Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
"General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrasekhar says, "Al Gore to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh sh*t, we're f**ked!"
And Chandrasekhar said quietly,
I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007.
02 November 2009
Two Kids in Hospital
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'
The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'
Whoa!' the second kid replies. 'Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born.. Couldn't walk for a year.
The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze.'
The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'
The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'
Whoa!' the second kid replies. 'Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born.. Couldn't walk for a year.
21 October 2009
Daughters!
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom
was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and
Everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It
was addressed "Dad".
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new
boyfriend Saim because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Saim and he is so
nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him
too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and
motorcycle clothes.
But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and
Saim said that he wants me to have the kid and that we
can be very happy together. Even though Saim is much
older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is
it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't
stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Saim has a great CD collection; he already owns a
trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for
the whole winter.
It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know
he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to
have many more children with me and that's now one of
my dreams too.
Saim taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade
it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we
want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Saim can get better; he sure
deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how
to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back
to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet,
and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the
neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card
that's in my desk centre drawer.
Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come
home.
I love you!
was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and
Everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope
propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It
was addressed "Dad".
With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new
boyfriend Saim because I wanted to avoid a scene with
Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Saim and he is so
nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him
too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and
motorcycle clothes.
But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and
Saim said that he wants me to have the kid and that we
can be very happy together. Even though Saim is much
older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is
it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't
stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?
Saim has a great CD collection; he already owns a
trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for
the whole winter.
It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know
he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to
have many more children with me and that's now one of
my dreams too.
Saim taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade
it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we
want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will
find a cure for AIDS so Saim can get better; he sure
deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how
to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back
to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet,
and read:
PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the
neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card
that's in my desk centre drawer.
Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come
home.
I love you!
08 October 2009
Smart Boy and Dumb Principal
A Lady Teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'
Madam took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his Questions he had to go back to the first-grade. Madam agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'
Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions'.
'Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
Boy.: Shake hands
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, and is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
'Send this Boy to 10th Grade'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'
Madam took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his Questions he had to go back to the first-grade. Madam agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'
Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions'.
'Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
Boy.: Shake hands
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, and is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
'Send this Boy to 10th Grade'
02 October 2009
Parents are Never Satisfied with Children's Results
Parents are Never Satisfied with Children's Results
Watch this funny video below .. .. ..
Watch this funny video below .. .. ..
16 July 2009
23 June 2009
How do you decide who to marry ? (written by kids)
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. - Alan, age 10
(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.- Camille, age 10
(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. - Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
(1) Both don't want any more kids.- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich.- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)
(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7 (Good Point)
(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.- Theodore, age 8 (Too much detail for his age)
(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favourite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)
14 May 2009
Confessions of a Kid
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.Thank you.
Your friend
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.Thank you.
Your friend
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!
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