Marriage Jokes

Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going?
Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight ?

Man: My wife...

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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.


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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.



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Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!


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Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.


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So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a
building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!


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Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the crocodiles.


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Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.

2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons


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Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me?

Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.