Why Arabs use Camels as Transport

This is a hillarious video!

Source : Fropki

The Female Thought Process

The diagram demonstrates the THOUGHTS in a female and male brain during the simple question: "Shall we go for a party?"

A Chemical Analysis of Women

ELEMENT : WOMAN

Symbol : WO+

Discoverer : Adam Edenwarden

Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg, isotopes vary
from 40 - 200kg

Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas



PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered with thin film of make-up.

2. Boils at room temperature.

3. Freezes without any known reason.

4. Melts if given special treatment.

5. Bitter if incorrectly used.


CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

3. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.


COMMON USES:

Highly ornamental, especially in social gatherings.


TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.

2. Turns pale green when placed beside a better specimen.


POTENTIAL HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

Jam vs Bubble Gum

An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation. The American snapped his gum and said, 'You Australian folk eat the whole bread?'

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, 'of course.' The American blew a huge bubble. 'We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia .' The American had a smirk on his face. The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted, 'D'ya eat jam with your bread?' Sighing, the Australian replied, 'of course.' Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said, 'we don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and the leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia..

The Australian then asked, 'Do you have sex in the States?' The American smiled and said 'Why of course we do.' The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?'

'We throw them away, of course!' Now it was the Australians turn to smile.

'We don't. In Australia , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States .

Notes To The Pastor from Kids

Dear Pastor,
I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister.
Yours sincerely,
Arnold Age 8


********
Dear Pastor,
Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson.
Sincerely,
Pete Age 9


********
Dear Pastor,
My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert Age 11


********
Dear Pastor,
I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love,
Patty Age 10


********
Dear Pastor,
I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.
Stephen Age 8


********
Dear Pastor,
I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen Age 9


********
Dear Pastor,
Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow.
Laurie Age 10


********
Dear Pastor,
Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's
help or a new pitcher.
Thank you.
Alexander Age 10


********
Dear Pastor,
My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua Age 10


********
Dear Pastor,
Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.
Carla Age 10


********
Dear Pastor,
I like your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph Age 11


********
Dear Pastor,
How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?
Sincerely,
Marie Age 9

Results of Love Marriage

Results of Love Marriage

 

It's ALWAYS the kids that suffer!!

His Name is Zonkey!!!!!!!

An Engineer Died and went to heaven . . .

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer - you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer up there in heaven?"

The Headache

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those

Headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me To

Stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat

"I do not Have a Headache;

I do not have a headache,

I do not have a headache.."

It Worked! The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball

Of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the

Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"

The husband agrees to try it

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his

Clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.

He Puts her on The bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into The Bathroom and comes back. A few minutes later and jumps into bed And makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes

Back Into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With

That, He goes back in the bathroom.

This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom,

She sees him standing at the mirror and saying,

"She's not my Wife.

She's Not my wife.

She's not my wife..."

His funeral service will be held on Friday.

Monday Baptist Cowboy

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

Apartment for Rent

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:


'Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment . I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:

#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that:

#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.'

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check f or $250 with the following note:

'Dear Sir:

#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady...

The Bus Conductor

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.

Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber.

There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him! .

But to everyone's amazement, he survived.

The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived.

The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus.

Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.

The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge.

Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!



The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??


Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical.

If necessary read the puzzle once again.



Still you couldn't, Then see below...



Think hard



Tired????



wanna know the answer????


Answer :

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him.

But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity??

25 REASONS I Owe My Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

2.My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5.My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

6.My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7.My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8.My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9.My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10.My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12.My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13.My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15.My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16.My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17.My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18.My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19.My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.My mother taught me HUMOR .
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21.My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23.My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24.My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite:My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!!!"

What's the Difference between Appraisal and Resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"


Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

**********

In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

**********

In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

**********

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

**********

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

**********

Dead Right Joke!

Six retired Jewish Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.




Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up.



At the end of the game, Finklestein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his vife?"



They cut the cards..Goldberg picks the low card and has to carry the news.



They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.



"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."



Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants?



Goldberg declares:

"Your husband just lost $500 in a poker game and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife.



"I'll go tell him." says Goldberg.

The Corporate Language

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"



"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"



"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".


"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"


"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"



"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"



"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."




"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"



"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"



"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"



"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"



"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."



"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"



"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"



"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

One Liners on Marriage

1. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

2. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

3. Impotence : Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings…….”

4. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

5. Panties : Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth

6. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life : Tri weekly, Try weekly and Try weakly.

7. Virginity can be cured.

8. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity

9. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

10. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

11. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy

12. Q. What is an Australian kiss?
A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

13. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing…….

14. Q. What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A. Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t

15. Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don’t have eyes.

16. Despite the old saying, ‘ Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men still sleep with their wives!!

More Husband & Wife Jokes

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Every time!

Wife: No darling, it means,

With Idiot For Ever

************

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,

So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,

So I could have a new one every day.

************

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.

Wife: When must I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you

************

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute

I asked you to marry me.

************

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it.

So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: For you and your parents

************

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest?

Husband: A lovely Push...!!!

************

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

A: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again

************

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,

You know, I was a fool when I married you.

The husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice

Wrong flowers

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,

"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"

And they say Blondes are dumb

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "

And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Why are Americans Jobless?

John Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN
JAPAN) for 6 a.m.

While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his
electric razor (MADE IN PHILIPPINES) .
He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN
SINGAPORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN
VIETNAM). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE
IN INDIA), then he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see
how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA),
he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with GAS (from Saudi
Arabia) and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his
computer (MADE IN MALAYSIA), John decided to relax for a while. He put
on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN
FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN KOREA), and then wondered why he
can't find a good paying job in AMERICA.

AND NOW HE'S HOPING HE CAN GET HELP FROM HIS PRESIDENT (MADE IN KENYA)!

My Eldery Dad

Took my elderly dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 84).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours: green , red , orange , and blue .

My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked:

'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response:

'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

The Whole Town in Debt

It's a slow day in a little East Texas town. The sun is beating down, and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich tourist from back east is driving through town. He stops at the motel and lays a $100 bill on the
desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

As soon as the man walks upstairs, the owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

The guy at the Farmer's Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the $100 bill, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the
future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is conducting business today.

Computer Funnies

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!!

=================================


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


===============


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


===============


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


============== =


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


===============


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.


===============


Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


===============


Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?


== =============


Customer: can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


===============


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


===============


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


===============


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


===============


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'


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And last but not least...

Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

21st Century.... Are we becoming less by the day ?

Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relationship - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Salary - very less
Our emails - useless!!!