Once a general manager wanted to test his people about their values of life.
He announced that in their seminar folder, there is PVC pouch and in it there is a seed. When they return, they must put it in a good soil in a pot and look after it very well.
He would hold a competition in the next year's seminar and that the best plants would be awarded suitably.
Everyone did what was told to him. A year passed quickly. And next year in a big hall, there were hundreds of pots and a great variety of plants-a great scene.
Except one pot in which the soil was there and no plant! The owner was standing quietly and seemingly ashamed of himself!
The general manager called him on the stage. He asked him what happened and he told him the truth. He planted the seed which he was given – and did that was to be done -but nothing happened!
The general manager declared him the winner!
Everyone was shocked. It was announced, "Gentlemen! The seeds I gave you were boiled seeds. You planted them and nothing happened! You acted smartly and used some other seeds.
This man was honest to his work and, therefore he did not cheat me or himself! And we respect honest people even today."
That man later became the Vice-President of the company.
Honesty is still the best policy.
08 October 2009
Ultimate truth
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
________________________________________
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
________________________________________
The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
________________________________________
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
________________________________________
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
________________________________________
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.
________________________________________
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
________________________________________
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
________________________________________
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
________________________________________
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
________________________________________
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
________________________________________
As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
________________________________________
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
________________________________________
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
________________________________________
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
________________________________________
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
________________________________________
If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.
________________________________________
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
________________________________________
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
________________________________________
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
________________________________________
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.
________________________________________
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
________________________________________
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
________________________________________
To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
________________________________________
The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
________________________________________
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
________________________________________
In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
________________________________________
All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.
________________________________________
Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
________________________________________
Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
________________________________________
If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
________________________________________
You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
________________________________________
Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
________________________________________
As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
________________________________________
He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
________________________________________
If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late.
________________________________________
Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
________________________________________
When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
________________________________________
If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls.
________________________________________
Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
________________________________________
You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
________________________________________
The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
________________________________________
After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be more crowded than the other.
________________________________________
If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
________________________________________
Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
Smart Boy and Dumb Principal
A Lady Teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'
Madam took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his Questions he had to go back to the first-grade. Madam agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'
Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions'.
'Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
Boy.: Shake hands
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, and is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
'Send this Boy to 10th Grade'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'
Madam took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his Questions he had to go back to the first-grade. Madam agreed.
The Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'
Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions'.
'Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.
Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'
Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'
Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, Delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..
Boy.: Shake hands
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck
Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, likes pumping, and is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
'Send this Boy to 10th Grade'
07 October 2009
Had Columbus Been Married
If Columbus had been married, he might never have discovered America, because he would have had to answer all the following questions and listen to such dramatic statements:
Where are you going?
With whom?
Why?
How are you going?
To discover what?
Why only you?
What do I do when you are not here?
Can I come with you?
When will you be back?
Will you be home for dinner?
What will you bring for me?
You deliberately made this plan without me, didn't you?
You seem to be making a lot of these programs lately...
Answer me why?
I want to go to my mother's house.
I want you to drop me there.
I don't want to come back ever!
What do you mean, OK?
Why aren't you stopping me?
I don't understand what this whole 'discovery' thing is about.
You always do things like this.
Last time also you did the same thing!
Nowadays you always seem to do this kind of stuff.
I still don't understand what else is left to be discovered!
Where are you going?
With whom?
Why?
How are you going?
To discover what?
Why only you?
What do I do when you are not here?
Can I come with you?
When will you be back?
Will you be home for dinner?
What will you bring for me?
You deliberately made this plan without me, didn't you?
You seem to be making a lot of these programs lately...
Answer me why?
I want to go to my mother's house.
I want you to drop me there.
I don't want to come back ever!
What do you mean, OK?
Why aren't you stopping me?
I don't understand what this whole 'discovery' thing is about.
You always do things like this.
Last time also you did the same thing!
Nowadays you always seem to do this kind of stuff.
I still don't understand what else is left to be discovered!
The Reasonable Wife
After being married 25 years, one day I took a look at my wife and said,
"Honey, do you realize 25 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond.
"Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman.
It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things!"
Now my wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....
I shut up and took out the trash...
Aren't older women great?
They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!
"Honey, do you realize 25 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond.
"Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman.
It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things!"
Now my wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....
I shut up and took out the trash...
Aren't older women great?
They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!
05 October 2009
Murphy's laws on Girls
Murphy's laws on Girls
1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that
2. the nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!
3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...
4. "99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your company."............ .....100% true
5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.
6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..
7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.
8. Theory of relativity.. ....
The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...
9. Rule 1: Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)
Corollary to rule 1: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1
Axiom 1: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys)
10. The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3.Have a bad hair day
11. all the good girls are either nuns or married . The rest go around with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.
12. The more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u
13. The love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you.
1. If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that
2. the nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!
3. The more the makeup, worse the looks...
4. "99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your company."............ .....100% true
5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.
6. If by any chance the girl you like , likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now ,when you are committed..
7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.
8. Theory of relativity.. ....
The more u run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from u...
9. Rule 1: Even if you got her out alone... just when you are about to let her know about your feelings...she will spot a long lost friend( I guess from Kumbh ka Mela)
Corollary to rule 1: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1
Axiom 1: The more dedicated you are to the girl, the longer it takes before things work out, but ultimately it will (somesmile for the guys)
10. The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-
1. You are dressed badly
2. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
3.Have a bad hair day
11. all the good girls are either nuns or married . The rest go around with u and ruin ur money,health and leave u a total wreck.
12. The more seriously u like a girl...the more seriously her dad will hate u
13. The love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you.
Virgin Atlantic Customer Care Service
An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be
able to work something out.'
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?' Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F.. You!' Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too .
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.
Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be
able to work something out.'
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?' Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, 'F.. You!' Without flinching, she smiled and said, (I love this bit) 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too .
02 October 2009
PRICELESS WORDS
PRICELESS WORDS
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"
Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
The Breakdown
Moral : Self-induced hangover - $400.00
Broken crockery - $800.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS"
A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"
Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
The Breakdown
Moral : Self-induced hangover - $400.00
Broken crockery - $800.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS"
Parents are Never Satisfied with Children's Results
Parents are Never Satisfied with Children's Results
Watch this funny video below .. .. ..
Watch this funny video below .. .. ..
01 October 2009
Daytime Affair
Daytime Affair
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved alongside him. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
"Oh , yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, " Do you always wear a condom when you run? "
"Nope......... Just when it's raining".
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved alongside him. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
"Oh , yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, " Do you always wear a condom when you run? "
"Nope......... Just when it's raining".
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