10 Rules For Men To Follow For A Happy Life
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home.
2. It's important to have a woman who cooks from time to time.
3. It's important to have a woman who keeps the house clean.
4. It's important to have a woman who has a job.
5. It's important to have a woman who likes you.
6. It's important to have a woman who can be your very best friend.
7. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
8. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, who doesn't lie to you.
9. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed.
10. It's very, very important that these nine women do not know each other.
27 April 2010
Male Bashing Time
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.
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Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
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Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
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Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
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Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
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Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
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Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
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Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .
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Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
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Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
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Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
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Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
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Pass this on to some women who need a laugh ..
and to men who can handle it!
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A: Puppies grow up.
*************
Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...
*************
Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.
*************
Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.....
*************
Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.
*************
Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don't know, I've never seen either.
*************
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business
*************
Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions .
*************
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...
*************
Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.
*************
Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!
*************
Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.
*************
Pass this on to some women who need a laugh ..
and to men who can handle it!
*************
10 April 2010
What the Teacher Says and What they Really Mean
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).
4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).
6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).
7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).
8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).
9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).
10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).
11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).
12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).
13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
(A mouth that never stops yacking).
(He was caught cheating on a test).
2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).
3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).
4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).
5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).
6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).
7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).
8. John enjoys the thrill of engaging challenges with his peers.
(He's a bully).
9. An adventurous nature lover who rarely misses opportunities to explore new territory.
(Your daughter was caught skipping school at the fishing pond).
10. I am amazed at her tenacity in retaining her youthful personality.
(She's so immature that we've run out of diapers).
11. Unlike some students who hide their emotion, Charles is very expressive and open.
(He must have written the Whiner's Guide).
12. I firmly believe that her intellectual and emotional progress would be enhanced through a year's repetition of her learning environment.
(Regretfully, we believe that she is not ready for high school and must repeat the 8th grade).
13. Her exuberant verbosity is awesome!
(A mouth that never stops yacking).
09 April 2010
What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian?
What Makes A Malaysian A Malaysian?
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08 April 2010
Can I speak to your daddy?
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "
Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes ."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy , " whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
" ME ."..........
Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
" Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes ."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy , " whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...
" ME ."..........
How a Woman's Brains Works?
Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:
Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done,
a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.
a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.
A man only has 2 balls and they consume all his thoughts.
They Walk Amongst Us
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it...'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They walk amongst us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.
The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"
They walk amongst us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where? '
They walk amongst us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff....... '
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.
My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!"
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned....
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'....
(I work with professionals like this.)
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces;
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
They Walk Amongst Us!
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They walk amongst us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.
The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"
They walk amongst us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....
'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where? '
They walk amongst us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.
She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff....... '
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
She keeps it in the car trunk.
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.
My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!"
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned....
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'....
(I work with professionals like this.)
They Walk Amongst Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces;
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
They Walk Amongst Us!
07 April 2010
Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?
Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?
-The Bachelor comes home, takes one look at what's in the refrigerator, and goes to bed.
-The Married man comes home,takes one look at what's in the bed and goes to refrigerator!
-The Bachelor comes home, takes one look at what's in the refrigerator, and goes to bed.
-The Married man comes home,takes one look at what's in the bed and goes to refrigerator!
Exams
Parent: How did you write your exam?
Son: they have given the questions which I don't know. So I wrote answers which they don't know..!!
Son: they have given the questions which I don't know. So I wrote answers which they don't know..!!
06 April 2010
How can I increase my Breast size?
Fresh from my shower, I stood in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your Breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day'
Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
How long will this take?' I asked.
They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he said 'Worked for your bum, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Stupid, stupid man!!!
Instead of romantically telling me this is not true, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: 'If you want your Breasts to grow, then take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds every day'
Willing to try anything, I got a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
How long will this take?' I asked.
They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.
I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he said 'Worked for your bum, didn't it?'
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.
Stupid, stupid man!!!
Quesitons you can never answer
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder...... .
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on.........
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder...... .
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on.........
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Travel Agent
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world.
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.
About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.
"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me.
Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
Hans Olaffsen's Laundry
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."
"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell does that fit in here?"
So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede.
Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'" "I say Sem Ting."
"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell does that fit in here?"
So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede.
Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'" "I say Sem Ting."
This is Productivity
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside.
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.
The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?" "Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Are n't you wasting the county's money?" "You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
"Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back." "Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"
One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old.
The men worked right past the fellow with the soft drink and went on down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can in a trash container and heading down the road toward the men.
"Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?" "Well, we work for the county government, " one of the men said. "But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Are n't you wasting the county's money?" "You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
"Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree and Mike here puts the dirt back." "Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"
Are Pets Allowed?
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote:"I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
He wrote:"I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill.
Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
A New Chevrolet Avalanche
A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and
his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that
truck???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet
Avalanche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents
began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen
dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name-they
just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.
Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house
where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had
sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to
know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband.
I thought he was on a a coffee break, but learned from a friend he had ran
off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back.
He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet
Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."
his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that
truck???!!!"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet
Avalanche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents
began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen
dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name-they
just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars."
"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.
Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up the street to the house
where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had
sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to
know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband.
I thought he was on a a coffee break, but learned from a friend he had ran
off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back.
He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet
Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."
05 April 2010
This is Confidence
A hypothetical situation where 20 CEOs board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,
he replies :
"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off." !!!!
That is called Confidence!! !
One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight,
he replies :
"If it is the same software that is developed by my company's IT systems department, this plane won't even take off." !!!!
That is called Confidence!! !
The Congressman and The Kid
A Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said - 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the southern congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics.. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Can you explain.. Why?'
The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says - '
Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know sh!t..?
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the southern congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics.. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Can you explain.. Why?'
The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says - '
Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know sh!t..?
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