02 July 2010
The Fishing Mirror
A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"
"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."
"Wow! Does that really work?"
"You bet it does."
"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it."
"Well, okay."
After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"
"You're the sixth," he said.
"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."
"Wow! Does that really work?"
"You bet it does."
"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it."
"Well, okay."
After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"
"You're the sixth," he said.
The Interview
Interviewer said, "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"
The candidate thought for a while and said, " My choice is one really difficult question."
" Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the interviewer.
Here is your question: " What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depended on the correctness of the answer to that one question. He thought for a while and said, " It's DAY sir!"
" How?" the interviewer asked.
" Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
Moral : Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the mastery of simplicity.
The candidate thought for a while and said, " My choice is one really difficult question."
" Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the interviewer.
Here is your question: " What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depended on the correctness of the answer to that one question. He thought for a while and said, " It's DAY sir!"
" How?" the interviewer asked.
" Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
Moral : Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the mastery of simplicity.
21 June 2010
Blonde Answers the Final Question
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire? " had reached the final Plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 Milestone money. And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
The woman hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well ...blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. Considering that her friend was a blonde, which would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could
Not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.
"How did you happen to know the right answer?"
Wait for it,,,,
"Oh, come on," said the blonde.. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks.
It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
The woman hoped she would not have to use it because her friend was, well ...blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. Considering that her friend was a blonde, which would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could
Not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?"
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is absolutely correct! You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jeni, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.
"How did you happen to know the right answer?"
Wait for it,,,,
"Oh, come on," said the blonde.. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks.
17 June 2010
The Best "Out of Office" E-mail Auto-Replies
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'...
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'...
What Does a Woman Really Want?
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long
as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to
figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would
be put to death.
The question was: "What does a Woman really want?"
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young
Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death,
He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the
priests, the wise men, and even the court jester.. He spoke with everyone,
but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to
consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer. But the price
would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the
exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the
witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her
price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of
the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one
tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He
refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden,
But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.. He said
nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the
reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the
witch answered. Arthur's question thus: 'What does a Woman really want?'
She said, 'Is to be in charge of her own life.'
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The
neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch
had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific
experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him..
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The
astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared
as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half
the time.. And the beautiful maiden the other half.
'Which would you prefer? She asked him. 'Beautiful during the day .... or at
night?'
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?
But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments
with?
(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What should YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He
said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this,
she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had
respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now.... what is the moral to this story?
The moral is...
1) There is a witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.
So, always remember:
IT'S EITHER 'HER WAY' OR IT'S 'NO WAY'..
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by
Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long
as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to
figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would
be put to death.
The question was: "What does a Woman really want?"
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young
Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death,
He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the
priests, the wise men, and even the court jester.. He spoke with everyone,
but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to
consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer. But the price
would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the
exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the
witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her
price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of
the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one
tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He
refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden,
But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.. He said
nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the
reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the
witch answered. Arthur's question thus: 'What does a Woman really want?'
She said, 'Is to be in charge of her own life.'
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The
neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch
had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific
experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him..
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The
astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared
as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half
the time.. And the beautiful maiden the other half.
'Which would you prefer? She asked him. 'Beautiful during the day .... or at
night?'
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?
But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments
with?
(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What should YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose, is given below:
BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He
said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this,
she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had
respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now.... what is the moral to this story?
The moral is...
1) There is a witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.
So, always remember:
IT'S EITHER 'HER WAY' OR IT'S 'NO WAY'..
Diary of a Young Wife
Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?" Hmmm....It must be his job...........................................
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?" Hmmm....It must be his job...........................................
Be Positive Husbands
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see a middle-aged woman. My face is all getting wrinkled, my hair is going grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see a middle-aged woman. My face is all getting wrinkled, my hair is going grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
12 June 2010
Arab Student Emails Home
Arab student sends an e-mail to his Dad saying:
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad,
I am bit ashamed to arrive to my college with my Gold Mercedes, when
all my Teachers travel by train.
Your Son
Nasser
----------------------------------------------------
Sometime later Nasser gets reply to his e-mail from his Dad:
Loving son,
Twenty Million Dollars transferred to your account, please stop
embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too.
Your Dad
08 June 2010
Going Out In Style
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
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