This is a RIOT!! Watch this video of 3 guys playing the Head Hitting game!
Poor guy in the middle!
Watch the video below!!
31 July 2009
Check out the Cute little Michael Jackson
Mini Michael Jackson, dancing & doing the moves!
Watch the video below.
Watch the video below.
30 July 2009
Husbands for Sale
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .... You may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first
floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are
extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the
fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-
dead good looking and help with the housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes
to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-
dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic
streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the
shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch .... You may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a
floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first
floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are
extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the
fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-
dead good looking and help with the housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes
to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-
dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic
streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign
reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
29 July 2009
No more 5Cs, but New 5Bs
Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5C's! :
Car, Condo, Credit Card (Gold), Cash and Career
Heard of the 5B's?
B - BMW
B - Body
B - Brain
B - Billionaire
B - Bungalow
And, and addition with the 5K's
Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)
We've been reading about the 5C's! And 5K's for Singaporeans now comes the 5 Numerals and Malaysia 's equivalent....
Singapore 's 'practice' for Simple Living:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
Malaysia 's Malays 'practice' to Simple Living:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House
Car, Condo, Credit Card (Gold), Cash and Career
Heard of the 5B's?
B - BMW
B - Body
B - Brain
B - Billionaire
B - Bungalow
And, and addition with the 5K's
Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of dying)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)
We've been reading about the 5C's! And 5K's for Singaporeans now comes the 5 Numerals and Malaysia 's equivalent....
Singapore 's 'practice' for Simple Living:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary
Malaysia 's Malays 'practice' to Simple Living:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels
1 - One-Storey Link House
Marriage & Relationships
[1] Sweeter Sides of Life
Boy Friend is like a chocolate, "Taste good always."
Girl Friend is like Pizza, Hot n Spicy, "Delicious anytime."
Wife is like the refrigerated left overs, "Eaten when no choice."
Husband is like a cooled off Tea in a cup, "Headache on sip."
[2] Better Dead than Alive
A bachelor Man asked his physician, I Want to live healthy and longer.
The Doctor advised, Good thought, Get married.
The man asked, Oh you mean the exercise of sex will make me live longer.
The Doctor said, No it is the want of sex that will kill your thought.
[3] An Alien Observation
A great handshake was observed in two humans of opposite sex at a wedding ring before a deadly bout of Lifetime.
[4] Respect to a Dead Union
A husband reminded the wife, Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I want to start the day with two minute's in silence.
[5] Love Kills
Marry with Love or have someone arrange it for you and then love. What the hell is the difference? Ultimate is the same, "Suicide of Harakiri or Killing of Guillotine."
[6] Strange Divinity
And God makes such a beautiful, lovely, pleasant, marvelous creature as woman for man, then suddenly he turns around and sticks him as wife.
[7] Senseless and Careless
A man before marriage stays awake happily whole night contemplating about the wordage of lover woman.
Then after marriage he starts snoring faster then loving wife utters the first word.
[8] Wise Saying
Your money gets transferred faster than lightning When you marry.
[9] For unmarried only
Happy Independence Day.
[10] Grass is greener on other side
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order the best dish of your choice from the menu and yet damn you find your friend's dish more alluring.
[11] Decent Burial
A just recently divorced, hit hard, badly publicized, rich man received a telegram.
Your Ex-wife dead. Advise preference burial or cremation? Funeral cost you pay.
The man quickly responded,Burn the Body high flames and Bury the Ash deep grounds. I pay all the expenses.
[12] Wild Fiction
A just engaged man goes in the Library to search books on The sex and my woman.
He asked the female librarian, Mam, I want the book something like, Master of my woman.
The librarian advised, Our fiction and fantasy books are in the basement.
[13] Promise Keeper
Once a man told then his lover, Marry me, I would even go to hell for you.
The girl trusted the promise and married him.
The Man kept his words, "He is going through the hell of his life for now his wife."
[14] Never drying tears
A woman brings you in this world with you crying and other one keeps you alive in this world with you crying.
[15] Law of Double Jeopardy
The Law does not permit a man to marry a second woman.
The Law cannot punish a man twice for the same offence!
Boy Friend is like a chocolate, "Taste good always."
Girl Friend is like Pizza, Hot n Spicy, "Delicious anytime."
Wife is like the refrigerated left overs, "Eaten when no choice."
Husband is like a cooled off Tea in a cup, "Headache on sip."
[2] Better Dead than Alive
A bachelor Man asked his physician, I Want to live healthy and longer.
The Doctor advised, Good thought, Get married.
The man asked, Oh you mean the exercise of sex will make me live longer.
The Doctor said, No it is the want of sex that will kill your thought.
[3] An Alien Observation
A great handshake was observed in two humans of opposite sex at a wedding ring before a deadly bout of Lifetime.
[4] Respect to a Dead Union
A husband reminded the wife, Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and I want to start the day with two minute's in silence.
[5] Love Kills
Marry with Love or have someone arrange it for you and then love. What the hell is the difference? Ultimate is the same, "Suicide of Harakiri or Killing of Guillotine."
[6] Strange Divinity
And God makes such a beautiful, lovely, pleasant, marvelous creature as woman for man, then suddenly he turns around and sticks him as wife.
[7] Senseless and Careless
A man before marriage stays awake happily whole night contemplating about the wordage of lover woman.
Then after marriage he starts snoring faster then loving wife utters the first word.
[8] Wise Saying
Your money gets transferred faster than lightning When you marry.
[9] For unmarried only
Happy Independence Day.
[10] Grass is greener on other side
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order the best dish of your choice from the menu and yet damn you find your friend's dish more alluring.
[11] Decent Burial
A just recently divorced, hit hard, badly publicized, rich man received a telegram.
Your Ex-wife dead. Advise preference burial or cremation? Funeral cost you pay.
The man quickly responded,Burn the Body high flames and Bury the Ash deep grounds. I pay all the expenses.
[12] Wild Fiction
A just engaged man goes in the Library to search books on The sex and my woman.
He asked the female librarian, Mam, I want the book something like, Master of my woman.
The librarian advised, Our fiction and fantasy books are in the basement.
[13] Promise Keeper
Once a man told then his lover, Marry me, I would even go to hell for you.
The girl trusted the promise and married him.
The Man kept his words, "He is going through the hell of his life for now his wife."
[14] Never drying tears
A woman brings you in this world with you crying and other one keeps you alive in this world with you crying.
[15] Law of Double Jeopardy
The Law does not permit a man to marry a second woman.
The Law cannot punish a man twice for the same offence!
What should I do to marry a rich guy?
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Awesome reply:
Dear Ms.. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do contact me...
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Awesome reply:
Dear Ms.. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of 'beauty' and 'money': Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a 'trading position'. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or 'leased'. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in 'leasing' services, do contact me...
Difference between Me & My Boss
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview .
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview .
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
Best Divorce Letter Ever
Dear wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've
been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that
connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't
love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and
griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something
nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price
tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't
get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem...
Big thanks to Yen Nee
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've
been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,
had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that
connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't
love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good
man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and
griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something
nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price
tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't
get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem...
Big thanks to Yen Nee
28 July 2009
Blackberry vs Apple
This is funny!
Blackberry's Ad against Apple was cool! U must watch this first!
Blackberry's Ad against Apple was cool! U must watch this first!
See how Apple fights back against Blackberry! :) haha
24 July 2009
Software WIFE 1.0
This is a must use software but needs a lot of caution!!!
The following query to the technical support team and the reply to it explains it all......enjoy!!
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software called Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
The following query to the technical support team and the reply to it explains it all......enjoy!!
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications.
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support.
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation.
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software called Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
23 July 2009
The Swine Flu Song by Mr Brown
This is a Hilarious parody of Wonder Girls' "Nobody" by mrbrown and gang, also their take on the latest Swine Flu pandemic.
21 July 2009
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat
your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream,
off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat
your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream,
off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
10 Ways to know if you have Estrogen Issues
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every
bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every
bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
Pregnancy Q&A
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now.
When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now.
When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
An old MONKEY story with a new ENDING
It's an old story that we read but with a new twist in the ending.
A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.
The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to his mind*
He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.
One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.
He remembered his grandfather' s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.
Now, very convinced of his grandfather' s idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.
Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and Guess!!! Said what???
************ ****
************ *
***********
*********
********
*****
****
***
**
*
*
"You think only you have a grandfather..!!??"
A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats.
The hat seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down. While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to his mind*
He took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.
Fifty years later, his grandson, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather.
One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.
He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.
He remembered his grandfather' s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed.
He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed.
Now, very convinced of his grandfather' s idea, he threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.
Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and Guess!!! Said what???
************ ****
************ *
***********
*********
********
*****
****
***
**
*
*
"You think only you have a grandfather..!!??"
17 July 2009
Husband & Wife Jokes
Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after
I die I want you to marry Samy."
"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these
years so let him suffer now."
Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Husband & Wife - Why?
" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.
" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."
Husband & Wife - Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.
Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"
Husband & Wife - Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said,
"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."
Husband & Wife - No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
Husband & Wife - Problem Father
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied,
"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful?
My wife doesn't know about it yet.
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after
I die I want you to marry Samy."
"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these
years so let him suffer now."
Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? "
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Husband & Wife - Why?
" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.
" Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."
Husband & Wife - Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.
Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"
Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"
Husband & Wife - Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said,
"Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."
Husband & Wife - No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her."
One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.
Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him.
"Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."
Husband & Wife - Problem Father
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied,
"I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful?
My wife doesn't know about it yet.
NEW OFFICE POLICY
EFFECTIVE August 01, 2009
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
16 July 2009
How To Make a MAN or WOMAN Happy?
"How to Keep a Woman Happy"
It's not difficult.
To keep a woman happy, a man ONLY needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :
1. Give him lots of sex
2. Feed him well
3. Let him have the remote control
4. Leave him in peace
Big Thanks to Al-Popo
It's not difficult.
To keep a woman happy, a man ONLY needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY!!! :
1. Give him lots of sex
2. Feed him well
3. Let him have the remote control
4. Leave him in peace
Big Thanks to Al-Popo
Everything Men Know About Women
Everything Men Know About Women
FULLY Reveals Shocking Truths
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There is no book made to date that fully understands a WOMAN!
Someone in the IT industry gave birth to a set of twins ....
Someone in the IT industry gave birth to a set of twins.
Guess what they named them?
See Below for Answer….
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Guess what they named them?
See Below for Answer….
*
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Tyre changing - Guy vs Girl
Check this out... they are both FUNNY!
How does a Guy and Girl changes Tyre!
How does a Guy and Girl changes Tyre!
15 July 2009
You Think English is Easy???
You Think English is Easy???
1) The bandage was wound around the wound..
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when thedoes are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting Ished a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it -
English is a strange language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out,
they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
PPS You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is
it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... it is time to shut UP .....!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U-P [pronounce as You Pee]
1) The bandage was wound around the wound..
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when thedoes are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting Ished a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it -
English is a strange language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out,
they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
PPS You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is
it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... it is time to shut UP .....!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U-P [pronounce as You Pee]
10 Pick Up Lines
1. Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like gun into her back
"You're under arrest!"
For what?
"For stealing my heart."
2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?
3. are your legs tired?
girl: Why?
because you have been running through my mind all day!
4. "I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"
5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in
your eyes
6. Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket, etc.
She would say,"What are doing"
resond,"Oh, just checking to see if you were made in Heaven."
7. Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.
"I was just showing this flower how beautiful you are."
8. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
9.Walk up to a guy and say: "Are you from Greece?"
"No" he answers.
"Oh, I thought all the gods were from Greece"
10. GEE I FEEL LIKE RICHARD GERE STANDING BESIDE YOU ........... Pretty Woman
"You're under arrest!"
For what?
"For stealing my heart."
2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?
3. are your legs tired?
girl: Why?
because you have been running through my mind all day!
4. "I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"
5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I've seemed to have lost myself in
your eyes
6. Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket, etc.
She would say,"What are doing"
resond,"Oh, just checking to see if you were made in Heaven."
7. Pick up a flower and walk over to girl.
"I was just showing this flower how beautiful you are."
8. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
9.Walk up to a guy and say: "Are you from Greece?"
"No" he answers.
"Oh, I thought all the gods were from Greece"
10. GEE I FEEL LIKE RICHARD GERE STANDING BESIDE YOU ........... Pretty Woman
13 July 2009
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